I was Ditched, and Then There Was a Shovel
by PimpedOutGreenEars
Summary: Clyde's a little depressed when Token blows him off for a physics project with Gregory. So he does what he always does when he's sad- burn stuff. Of course when he runs into Mole things get a little more complex. ClydexToken GregoryxMole CxC if you squint
1. Chapter 1

**I Was Ditched, and Then There Was a Shovel Part 1: What I Do When a Brit Steals My Friend**

**Authors Note: Gasp! More SP so soon? I'm loving it. Okay, this is a two-shot, expect the last part later this week or early next week. Other than that just remember that I love hearing your thoughts and criticism! Seriously drop me a reveiw and let me know how I can make my writing better! Now, on with the story!**

* * *

_My name is Clyde Donavan/Harrison/whoeverthefuckmymomdecidestomarrynext, and I live in South Park, Colorado. It's cold as fuck here, and something incredibly unbelievable is always going on. For example, last year Lindsey Lohan became mayor for a day; I'd tell you what happened during her reign, but it's one long, crazy, fucked up story._

_Anyway, I go to South Park high school_

***Bell Rings***

"God, finally." English class is so damn gay. Today's assignment was to write some stupid essay about ourselves. But, on the bright side, school is over for the day.

"Hey, dude."

"Hey Token." I say greeting my black friend.

"Hey, listen, I can't hang out, I forgot I have to finish my physics project."

"Oh, and let me guess, Gregory, who transferred over with a 4.0 grade point average from Yardale, is helping you?" God, Gregory is such a stupid British fag.

"It'd help seeing as he's my partner and all. Seriously dude, you need to back off the guy, he's not so bad once you get to know him."

"I bet that's what you'll say when he's sucking your dick. Actually it'll probably be more like 'oh, yeah baby, harder'."

"Hey fuck you." Token said punching my arm before returning to the task of getting things out of his locker. When he pulls his bag out of his locker he looks at me.

"Look, I know we haven't been spending a lot of time together lately, but it's junior year and the teachers are piling up the work. I promise once things cool down we'll hang out more." He says with a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't go all fag on me, it's not cool." I say moving his hand.

"Please, if I wanted to go all fag on you, I'd be doing that." Token says turning me to face Stan and Kyle.

Kyle is getting things out of his locker while Stan is leaning against the locker beside him. I think Stan is trying to hide the fact that he is looking at Kyle's butt, but he's doing a really shitty job, meanwhile Kyle's just jabbering on about something.

Token then turns me again. "And then once I had successfully made you my bitch, I'd do that." At this point I am facing Kenny and Butters, who are breaking at least five PDA rules.

"Well at least now that I know your approach I can come up with a defense plan."

"Dude with the way you've been begging for my attention I don't think you'd turn me down." Token said putting an arm around me jokingly.

"Sorry, but I would. You'll have to settle for Gregory." I said moving his arm.

"Whatever, dude," Token said laughing lightly "you know you want me."

"Oh, totally. Just not as much as Gregory." I said smirking.

"Did somebody just say my name?" Gregory asked walking up.

"Yeah, I was just explaining to Clyde that we couldn't hang out since we had to finish that project."

"Well, Clyde, if you'd like you could sit in on our project, it's quite fascinating and it'll assist you greatly next year."

Token and I both laugh.

"Clyde in Physics?"

"Dude, never gonna happen."

"Suite yourself, but it truly is an exquisite class that will prepare you for university."

"Clyde in college? Dude, you're looking at gas station employee of the month right here."

"Fuck you; two seconds ago you wanted to be my sugar daddy."

"Well I must say, you chaps make some remarkable conversation, but, Token, we really must start on our project."

"Sure dude." Token said before following Gregory. He turns back to give me a look and I start making kissy faces at him, to which he flips me off.

I start to laugh and I see him give me that slight smile that means he knows he should be mad but isn't before he turns the corner.

I sigh and walk down the hall to where Craig and Tweek are standing, making sure to approach where Tweek will see me coming so I don't freak him out.

"Hey guys."

Craig nods to me while Tweek twitches before giving a wave.

"So what are you doing today?" I ask Craig, knowing that Tweek wouldn't be able to take the pressure of such a question.

"Tweek." Craig says smiling broadly showing off his braces.

"GAH!" Tweek shouts hearing Craig's reply.

"So hanging out is a no go?" I ask to clarify.

"Unless you're into threesomes."

"See you later." I reply before watching them leave with Craig's hand firmly inside Tweek's jeans groping his ass, and Tweek shaking like a vibrator.

"Fucking fags." I say leaving the school.

I don't have a car- well, I do, I'm just not allowed to use it at the moment, nor have I been allowed to use it for the last two months, something about backing into the garage door…

Point is unless one of my friends is free to drive then I'm walking my ass home, and I've been walking a lot lately…

You see in South Park it seems like everyone has a group of four. Of course you also have the couples who just hang with each other, the extras who just sorta wait around for a free spot in one of the groups, and of course there are times where groups will combine, like at lunch, but ultimately it comes down to groups of four.

Back when we were little me, Token, and Craig were in a group. We usually just picked a forth person to hang out, it didn't really matter who.

I mean we hung with Jason, Jimmy, Butters, Tweek, and the list goes on.

At first no one really stuck. Craig was our undeclared leader and he just never really liked anyone, so we just picked a forth person day-by-day.

It was like that until fifth grade when Craig walked up to me and Token, dragging Tweek along with him, and said 'he's in'.

Token and I still aren't completely sure what made Craig decide he wanted Tweek in the group permanently, I think it might have had something to do with Craig's first and only therapy session, but I'm not really sure.

From there we were set until high school, then everything got a little weird. It seemed like once we hit sophomore year everyone was gay. Pip and Damien were the first couple to come out; not like they had much to loose. Everyone still hated Pip and Damien's the fucking anti-Christ.

After that Kenny came out as bi; not that that surprised anyone, Kenny's kind of a whore. Then Butters came out as bi, most people thought he was gay anyway. Then when he started dating Kevin Stolley (who later turned out to be faking gay so girls would change in front of him) all Hell broke loose. Seriously!

All the guys started coming out of the closet and shit! Then one day Craig walked into school holding Tweek's hand (he did that before people started coming out) and acting like nothing had changed. Of course the hickies on Tweek's neck told a different story.

Craig had just gotten braces, like, a week before hand and the cuts on the hickies pretty much proved it was him; not that Craig denied they were dating when people asked, he actually seemed quite proud of himself… Until Tweek literally shit his pants. Okay, so he didn't really, but he was so freaked out that I thought he would.

That's when Craig started spending a lot more time with Tweek. They had always spent a lot of time together, but when they started dating they became glued at the hip.

When that happened I was kinda bummed, I mean Craig was my BFF and all of a sudden he didn't have a lot of time to hang out. Token was in the same boat; Craig was best friends with all three of us and when Craig started putting Tweek first Token and I just fell to the side.

Of course it was understandable. When people start dating things get like that. After that Token and I started hanging out more and getting closer. We were a lot different so it was weird at first without Craig to be our middle ground.

But eventually we found things in common and started to accept different things about each other. Token accepted that I don't think before I speak, and I accepted that he doesn't like looking at the plastic breasts of women in playboy.

My point is that Token and I are best friends, or at least we were last month. It seems like lately he spends all his time with Gregory. He says they're doing projects and shit like that, but I'm kinda scared that projects are gonna turn into dates and then I'll be out the best friend I ever had…

Umm, and that's why I've been walking home. God, I'm fucking ADD. I'm fucking ADD, I'm not allowed to drive, and I'm loosing my best friend to a bona fide British faggot.

GOD! I suck at life!

…I'm gonna go burn some shit.

Whenever I'm feeling down I like to walk down one of the back streets of South Park and down this long alley that makes a turn to the right. Once you turn right you're surrounded by wall so no one can see you unless they walk clear down the alley. Once I'm there I like to burn stuff. It doesn't really matter what, just whatever I can find. It makes me feel less stressed.

Token says I'm going to commit arson one of these days.

"Augg! Why is every one of my thoughts today about Token!?" I scream before sighing and turning onto the street with the alley.

I walk in silence for awhile before reaching the alley. I walk down it and make the right turn only to have a shovel pointed in my face.

* * *

**Now, who would point a shovel at poor Clyde? lol, sorry, had to point out how obvious I made this.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I Was Ditched and Then There Was a Shovel Part 2: Explosions and Jealousy**

******Authors Note: This took longer than I thought it would to write, my bad. Also I used a translator to do the French dialogue so my conjugation is probably wrong. What the French translates to is at the bottom.**

* * *

_I walk in silence for awhile before reaching the alley. I walk down it and make the right turn only to have a shovel pointed in my face._

"What the Hell?!"

"Oh, it iz only you." Christophe, better know as the mole, says before lowering his shovel.

"Once again, what the Hell?" I repeat to Christophe whose back is already to me.

"I zought zat you might be someone of importance." He said lighting up a cigarette with a match.

"Gee thanks- Hey those are mine!" I shout having just noticed that the match he used to light his cigarette was mine.

I keep a box of matches and old news paper in a hollow in one of the walls, using a rock to cover them up. I just noticed that it is open along with the match box.

"I wondered who those belonged to." He said nonchalantly as he continued smoking.

"And I wondered why I kept running out of matches!"

"Looks as zough both of our mysteries have been solved." He said smugly.

"You're a dick." I mumble.

"And you are a retard for hiding matches in such an obvious place." He says before shrugging.

"Whatever." I say walking away toward the road.

"Leaving so soon?" He asks with a smirk.

"Figured since you were back here I should leave you alone."

"Afraid I weel hit you with my shovel?" He asks in an amused tone.

"Kinda." I say turning to look at him.

"Ha. Americans are such pussies." He says with a smile.

"I'm not a pussy." I say glaring.

"And yet one look at me and you are ready to turn zee corner."

"I just wanted some privacy."

"What do you need to cry or somezhing?" He asks with his voice still sounding amused.

"No, I wanted to burn shit." I say offended.

"That would explain zey matches."

"You're a dick."

"And you're a stupid beetch."

I glare at him for awhile before he speaks up. "So are you going to burn sheet or glare at me like a pussy?"

I think awhile before deciding. I'm really pissed and need to relieve some stress, but at the same time I'm not sure how safe it is to hang out with someone who is rumored to have killed ten armed men with just a shovel at age 14.

In the end my need to release stress beats my fear of being hacked open with a shovel.

As I walk over to grab the matches and newspaper I see his smirk get bigger. I don't think I've ever met a more arrogant asshole. …Craig comes in a pretty close second place though.

After I grab the stuff I go to the dumpster that is conveniently placed near by and grab some cardboard and anything else I can get my hands on.

I sit down Indian style and make a cycle out of rocks to keep the fire where I want it. I put the cardboard in the middle and then start lighting the newspaper on fire. After the newspaper is burning I sit it on top of the cardboard.

For awhile I just watch it burn with a smile on my face as I take in the smell of burning cardboard. I feel calmer now. Now I can start on the fun part.

I reach into my pile of random things from the dumpster and pull out a few Styrofoam plates; they're melted the second the fire hits them.

"So zis iz what you wanted privacy for?" Christophe asks with a raised brow.

"Pretty much." I say before putting a banana peal in the fire. I heard you could get high from smoking banana peals.

"I 'ave a feeling I will regret asking, but why are you so eager to burn trash anyway? A hay field, a house, or a small village I could understand, but trash from a dumpster? It makes very little since."

"It calms me down. Helps me clear my head."

"Did you 'ave a rough day learning zee corrupt ways of zee American system?" He asks again amused.

"No. I had a rough day learning about physics."

"You are in physics?" He asks in disbelief.

"No."

"Zen what exactly did you learn about eet beetch?"

"That there are to many projects in that class." I say throwing a few magazines into my growing fire.

"Why do you say zat?"

"Because my best friend is spending all of his time with a stupid, British fag."

"Plus comme mon amant dépense tout son temps avec un whiny, le noir, la chienne. …" **[1]** He mumbles before saying "I agree about zee British fag part." He says taking a long drag of his cigarette.

I choose this time to remember an important fact; Christophe works for Gregory, or with him, or something like that. The lines aren't exactly clear on that part. The point is when you work with someone for eight years you develop a friendship; I just insulted his friend. He could've just taken my head off with his shovel.

"Sorry, I forgot he was your friend."

"He iz not my friend, he iz merely a business partner." He says glaring.

"Oh, my bad." I say smiling. They're totally friends.

"Watch zee sarcasm beetch, or I take your head off."

Now normally I would keep being a douche, but since he scares me I'll shut up.

"Sorry."

"Quoi que."**[2]** He says shrugging.

"What does that mean?"

"Whatever." He says rolling his eyes.

"Sorry I don't speak French." I say throwing a few plastic bottles into the fire and watching them melt.

For awhile we were quiet. I kept setting different things on fire and he lit up a new cigarette.

"Why does eet bother you zat they spend time togezer?"

"Because he's hogging him!"

"Are you sure zat iz it?"

"Look the last time one of my friends got close to a guy he ended up dating him and not having time to hang anymore."

"Someone iz jealous and misguided." He says with slight anger.

"It could happen! They could hook up-"

"It will not happen."

"How do you know?"

"Parce que je casserais le cou de noirs."**[3]**

"Can't understand you."

"I didn't want you to." I lift my eyebrow at that but let it go.

"So it doesn't bother you that Gregory has been ditching you for physics with Token?"

"Non."**[4]**

"Maybe I'm paranoid."

"More than likely."

"You're probably right." I say throwing a half full can of hairspray into the fire.

Christophe stops and looks at the fire.

"What zee fuck did you just throw in zere?!"

"Hairspray?"

"La mère stupide baise la chienne!"**[5]**Christophe yells before running to me, picking me up and running to the part of the ally you can see from the street. He then shoves me against the wall right as I hear a big 'boom'."

"Stupid, beetch, Aerosol cans explode." He says getting into my face.

"Umm, are we interrupting something?"

I turn to see Token and Gregory. Token looks surprised while Gregory looks slightly peeved.

I then look at the position of Christophe and I. He has me shoved against the wall, with our bodies as close together as possible, with his face mere inches from mine.

"It's not what it looks like!" I shout to Token as Christophe moves away with a disgusted look on his face.

"Sure it isn't." Token says chuckling.

"Well we were coming to find you and heard an explosion, but since it looks as though you two are alright I think we can go." Gregory says more to Christophe than anyone.

"I agree, I think they need some alone time." Token adds before they start walking away with Christophe and I following.

"Gregory, Vous savez que vous êtes le seul l'un pour moi aime." **[6]**

"Nous discuterons ceci à la maison."**[7]** Gregory says.

"Token!"

* * *

**[1] More like my lover is spending all of his time with a whiny, black, bitch.**

**[2] Whatever.**

**[3] Because I would break the Negro's neck**

**[4] No.**

**[5] Stupid mother fucking bitch**

**[6] You know that you are the only the one for me love.**

**[7] We'll discuss this at home**

**Sorry this didn't quite turn out how I hoped it would, but I hope you guys liked it! Feedback is greatly appreciated!**


End file.
